31 8 / 2014

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.
THIS IS FUCKING IT.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED
THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 
BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.
NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.

THIS IS FUCKING IT.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED

THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 

BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.

NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials

(via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

31 8 / 2014

wetrilo:

well, i am groot

wetrilo:

well, i am groot

(via killedmycatatemytailor)

31 8 / 2014

sararye:

I hope glee does one last competition and are really scared because the opposing team’s lead singer is supposed to be the best in the entire country and slowly the curtain goes up and there he is

image

(via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

theatomicboom:

I REALISE THIS PART WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW HARRY’S FEAR FOR VOLDEMORT’S RETURN BUT OMG

HE’S SO STYLISH

image

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF SOMEONE WITH SUCH AN IMPECCABLE FASHION SENSE

(via hogwartskidsproblems)

31 8 / 2014

mommies-little-monster:

togetherfit:

dampsandwich:

pleatedjeans:

20 Heart-Warming Random Acts of Kindness

i love rob

THE LAST ONE MADE MY HEART MELT I 

That strawberry thing omg marry that boy

(via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

@taylorswift13 Every time I see Blue Ivy, I cry.

(Source: swiftnetwork, via pronqs)

31 8 / 2014

rabbrakha:

Parineeti Chopra responds to a male reporter who claims to know nothing about periods (menstrual cycle). [X]

SO IMPORTANT.

(Source: baawri, via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

call-me-wicked:

theaudienceapplauded:

The Every Occasion Card

Have a shitty motherfucking baby

Thanks for the shitty ass gift

(Source: brain-food, via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

svartalfhild:

You know, when I was a kid, I remember being really stirred by the fact that Hermione Granger did actually end up having a date to the Yule Ball and that it was Viktor Krum.  There was something really powerful about a hyperlogical, bookish girl, who was believed to be incapable of getting a date on her own, landing a famous guy who respects and cherishes her just by being herself.

(via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

31 8 / 2014

Anonymous said: What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

31 8 / 2014

noirbettie:

dandehaane:

if u are scared or worried or stressed please just remember that even if you mess up super badly, doggies on the street will still tug on their owners when u walk by because they wanna say hello to u so badly

This is legitimately comforting.

(via fluent-in-lesbianism)

31 8 / 2014

breadstiks:

it’s physically impossible to fit words into a venn diagram

(via brian-trolldan)

31 8 / 2014

sararye:

every 1st september we joke about getting ready for hogwarts to cover up the very real and very very deep scars of never getting our letters

(via glitter-tornado)